Home Hollywood The Tom Holland-starrer is the most empty, boring blockbuster in years

The Tom Holland-starrer is the most empty, boring blockbuster in years

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Uncharted is based on one of the most popular video game franchises of all time, and it tells the narrative of treasure hunter Nathan Drake. I’ve never played the game, but you shouldn’t have to in order to appreciate this swashbuckling, tomb-raiding, globe-trotting action-adventure.

The lifeless opening scene tells us about Nathan and his brother Sam, who lost their parents when they were young. Of course, both brothers are treasure hunters. “We have pirate blood in our veins,” Sam informs his brother, “we’re ancestors of Sir Francis Drake after all.” Sam flees the orphanage after being caught trying to steal a map (it’s one of those find-the-map-follow-the-clues-get-to-the-treasure flicks), leaving 10-year-old Nathan behind.

Years later, in a smash cut, a grown-up Nathan (a honest Tom Holland who lacks the essential movie star charm to overcome the script’s flaws) is now a bartender and petty burglar. But don’t be fooled: Nathan is a fictitious character. He’s a budding action hero who’s simply waiting for the right adventure to come along. He’s a sleek, charming, ripped history nerd with parkour skills who leads an average existence. I don’t know what else to say if it doesn’t scream “throw me out of an aircraft so I can battle evil dudes in mid-air.”

Enter the treasure seeker as a plot device. Sullivan, Victor “Sully” (Mark Wahlberg who confirms that it is, in fact, possible to sleepwalk through a two-hour action flick without lifting a finger). Even though there’s a sequence in Uncharted when two flying pirate ships engage in a spectacular mid-air chase, the biggest leap of faith I had to make during this film was attempting to picture Mark Wahlberg as a guy named…Victor. He informs Nathan that he’s worked with his missing brother Sam, and now he wants Nathan’s aid to finish the task his brother started and uncover “the largest treasure that’s never been found.” Basically, there’s a bunch of gold aboard a ship in a cave someplace.

Despite what is intended to be a heartwarming mentor-protege connection (Tom Holland continues his streak of frantically playing the father figure in anything with a pulse), the two actors have chemistry that can only be described as “two individuals who were in the same room sometimes.” You don’t care about their relationship or Sully’s Han Solo act as a “self-centered lone wolf solely in it for himself who is forced to realize his humanity.” I also couldn’t figure out why Sully seemed to vanish for significant swaths of the film. Who knows, maybe it’s to put little Nathan in the spotlight. Despite what is intended to be a heartwarming mentor-protege connection (Tom Holland continues his streak of frantically playing the father figure in anything with a pulse), the two actors have chemistry that can only be described as “two individuals who were in the same room sometimes.” You don’t care about their relationship or Sully’s Han Solo act as a “self-centered lone wolf solely in it for himself who is forced to realize his humanity.” I also couldn’t figure out why Sully seemed to vanish for significant swaths of the film. Who knows, maybe it’s to put little Nathan in the spotlight.

Uncharted made me ponder if it’s fair to place even more weight on the enormously mounted blockbuster to entertain and assist us escape our reality at a time when viewers are scrutinizing the theatre experience more than ever. If that’s the case, Uncharted has no place in it. If only they had a map, a secret diary, or a secret corridor leading to a better film.

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