“Raiders of the Lost Ark” and “Romancing the Stone” weren’t exactly chicken soup for the moron’s soul in the 1980s. Neither was Nicolas Cage’s far more recent film “National Treasure.”
However, “The Lost City” joins “Uncharted,” “Jungle Cruise,” and “Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw” in demeaning a once-great genre with nauseating humor, no thrills or grandeur, and an over-reliance on star power in the discouraging trend of demeaning a once-great genre with nauseating humor, no thrills or grandeur, and an over-reliance on star power.
Sandra Bullock, who portrays a widowed romance author similar to her caustic, pseudo-feminist character in “Miss Congeniality,” is the squandered celebrity here. Loretta Sage is a woman who no longer cares about men, prefers to keep out of the spotlight, and would rather be in the tub with a glass of chardonnay.
Unfortunately, she is compelled to tour with her dimwitted Fabio-like cover model Alan (Channing Tatum), who delights the women by ripping off his shirt onstage.
She is abducted by wealthy Abigail Fairfax (Daniel Radcliffe) after one book tour appearance, and the movie goes haywire. The smarmy gent discovers that the tropical Lost City of D from her stories is genuine and harbours a buried treasure. He’ll need her — and chloroform — to uncover the treasure.
The film, directed by Aaron and Adam Nee, lingers on the tarmac of comedy for two hours as we, the irate passengers, wait for departure. Few jokes hit, and the unintentional safari sequences, such as Bullock picking leeches from Tatum’s buttocks or rushing through the forest with a cameoing Brad Pitt, are grating and apparent.
The film’s funniest characters have nothing to do with Loretta and Alan’s shenanigans on the island. Da’Vine Joy Randolph portrays Beth, a weary literary agent who can’t take it anymore, and Patti Harrison as Allison, an aged social media employee. Bullock and Tatum retreading 1998’s dreadful “Six Days Seven Nights” with whiny Anne Heche and Harrison Ford has a lot more appeal than Bullock and Tatum retreading 1998’s dreadful “Six Days Seven Nights” with whiny Anne Heche and Harrison Ford.
Tatum, who is at his most endearing when he appears to be improvising, has the greatest line of the two when he refers to pro-women Loretta as “Gloria Seinfeld.”
Bullock starts off petulant and then becomes emotional, a character arc she is as acquainted with her Social Security number.
But it’s Radcliffe’s performance that epitomises “Lost City’s” numerous flaws. His Abigail isn’t really nasty or wacky enough to hang onto (a la Will Ferrell’s Mugatu in “Zoolander”), and the picture itself uneasily combines action and humour into bland sludge, which isn’t the actor’s fault.
As skeptical as I am of a 79-year-old Harrison Ford reprising his role as Indiana Jones, he may be the genre’s final chance.