Sutapa Sikdar, wife of acclaimed actor Irrfan Khan took to social media to pen a heartbreaking note on his first death anniversary. The acclaimed actor died of neuroendocrine tumor last year on April 29.

In her long note, Sutapa wrote how the clock stopped for her at 11:11 am on April 29. She also remembered her time with Irrfan in Delhi’s National School of Drama, where both of them studied acting.

Sutapa Sikdar shared a photo of Irrfan where he is seen drinking water from a stream. She also shared a photo of a note written by Irrfan. She wrote, “‘People living deeply have no fear of death’ – Anaïs Nin. Your favourite poet Irrfan. Last year tonight me and my friends sang songs for you, all your favorite songs. The nurses were looking at us strangely as they were used to religious chants in critical times but I had overdone that for you Irrfan morning evening and night for two years and since they told me it was time I wanted you to go with memories you loved so we sang songs.next day you left for the next station I hope you knew where to get down without me…”

She added, “363 days, eight thousand seven hundred and twelve hours.. when each second is counted. How exactly does one swim this huge ocean of time. The clock had stopped At 11.11 on 29th april for me .Irrfan you had a keen interest in the mystery of numbers. .and funny you had three 11’s on your final day. Some say actually many say this is a very mystical number 11/11/11. How does one walk ahead the pandemic just adds to the anxiety, fear and pain.”

Sutapa also remembered her time with Irrfan in National School of Drama. She wrote, “The days went by with umpteen responsibilities, some extremely new ones like signature galore for changing of name. My fingers kept stopping on that how could I just take his name away and make it sutapa, I was unable to sign took a day off and the name game played on my mind. Like a film in a projector .i remember sitting outside NSD late evening .. beautiful girls from Kathak kendra floating out.. they were all very well dressed up unlike us we were always in our blue trackpant and sky blue t shirt ..both boys and girls wore the same and you mispronounced my name and I tried to correct and rubbed it in as usual my permanent thing that north Indians are so stupid and they only can pronounce sunny Vicky Rahul type names and proceed to kake ki dukaan in gol chakkar to have ek bata do chai . it’s been a long journey of correcting each other spanning a life time. Fighting, arguing , laughing evolving together.  you were the loner in a crowd.”

She added, “And now a whole crowd has followed you up there  …by the way OM from the tea stall in the nukkad went some years back has he made a chai ka stall up there? Are you having ek bata do chai there. and are drinking water from the running streams? All of you stay in peace, remember us that we loved you, all of you. And remember all of you are missed by some one or the other.. all your families grieve ..may you all rest in peace! I hope there is enough space I hope some of you will forgive us for not been able to give a respectable cremation. #irrfan #NSD #nationbleeding # wearesorry #restinpeace.”Irrfan’s last film was ‘Angrezi Medium’ which also featured Kareena Kapoor Khan and Radhika Madaan. Irrfan was recently honoured in the “In Memoriam” segment at the 93rd Academy Awards ceremony held in Los Angeles.

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